I never understood the lesson in my life's greatest challenge until years later. That time for me was a dramatic awakening that ultimately led to personal growth and an ongoing spiritual journey of exploration.
It started in the early part of 1978. My life until then was centered on my new marriage, my work and my circle of friends. My husband and I socialized with a whole entourage of young married couples, some with small children and most without. When I became pregnant in March, it was a true blessing and my life shifted into a new and extraordinary focus. Of course, we planned on having a healthy pregnancy with a natural delivery and we chose a birthing center in New York City to deliver the baby.
Unfortunately, from the moment I became pregnant I had morning, afternoon and evening sickness. All kinds of odors bothered me, especially cooked chicken and fish. I had no appetite, since no food appealed to my palate. However, I did force myself to eat a high protein diet (about 80 grams a day), plus a quart of milk (in the form of milkshakes and ice cream sodas), lots of vegetables, fruits and other carbohydrates. This was the recommended daily food requirement for pregnant women and I adhered to it without question. The health of my unborn child was my only concern and I would do anything within my power to assure it, even if it meant enduring nausea and other discomforts.
I couldn't wait for the first three months of pregnancy to end, because I believed that my morning sickness would finally subside. But after five months, I was still sick with vomiting and cramping, as well. My baby was growing normally, thank goodness, yet I was feeling worse and worse. The symptoms usually hit me when I least expected it. I would be supermarket shopping and all of a sudden, I'd double over in pain from severe cramps and intestinal spasms. These bouts were generally followed by intense vomiting and incessant diarrhea.
Eventually, I noticed a vaginal discharge and some bleeding. I was given a sonogram to make sure the fetus was not growing outside the placenta. All clinical evidence showed an average pregnancy. But by this time, I was a mess! I had only gained 9 lbs during the first five months and was nauseous and vomiting daily. I could keep nothing down.
Finally, on one of my routine doctor's visits, my OB/GYN advised me to see a gastroenterologist for tests. The results came as a shock during this, my introduction to the miracle of motherhood. I had Crohn's Disease, an inflammation of the intestines, which was considered incurable, highly debilitating, painful and chronic. Although it was not life-threatening, here I was five months pregnant with an incurable disease! My fear of the unknown was my greatest enemy and threat. I didn't know what to expect or how my lifestyle would be changed.
The doctors all assured me I could lead a normal life and keep the disease under control with medication. They explained that this illness had nothing to do with diet, even though I told them I always felt worse after I ate. It seemed to be a young adult disease that usually struck before the age of 30. At that time, treatment was a regimen of sulfur drugs prescribed to suppress some of the symptoms and reduce inflammation.
I cried continuously for three days. Through a twist of fate, I already knew something about Crohn's Disease because my brother-in-law suffered from it. He had endured several operations and had taken numerous drugs to alleviate both his discomfort and prevent subsequent flare-ups. Knowing this scared me, since I was concerned that these drugs might harm my unborn child.
I became so depressed that I couldn't function. I wallowed in my misfortune and submerged myself in sadness for hours on end. I felt I'd been doomed to a lifetime of misery and hopelessness. Fear seemed to rule my life. To his credit, my husband was very understanding and supportive. He tried to encourage me in any way he could. But I alone had to deal with the reality of my disease and prepare for the circumstances that lay ahead. With a major decision to make, I was caught between the traditional medical route or perhaps another alternative. My concern was the welfare of the innocent baby growing inside me. I spent agonizing days wondering if I should fill the doctor's prescription for azulfidine -- or live with the consequences.
Fortunately for me, I was surrounded by people who were more objective than I. They would assure me that panicking was not a sensible solution. I needed to calm down long enough to examine my options and my sister knew just the right advice to give.
She recommended I read, "Three Magic Words" by U.S. Anderson, which explained the Law of Attraction, the concept that we attract into our lives what we put the most attention on. The book explained that we are the creators of our own reality and that by harnessing this knowledge, we can make powerful changes that even create what we most desire. This was a new and profound notion for me to contemplate. Could I, at this crisis point in my life, take charge and turn my life around?
In desperation, I started meditating to find some answers, as the book suggested. In quiet introspective moments I realized that somehow, in some way, there was a lesson for me to learn from this frightening, challenging experience. I continued meditating daily, disciplining myself to visualize total health, my whole body healed. I began to feel more in control, less like a helpless victim. I started believing I was an important factor in my own healing process. I felt I made a major shift in my perception of the situation and I was able to feel hope and even experience inner peace. With this renewed motivation, I decided to go the alternative route and see where it took me.
Some friends knew of a wonderful holistic doctor in West Hurley, N.Y and advised me to seek out his opinion. After an extensive examination, his prognosis was that with mild exercise, good nutrition, daily relaxation and unquestioning faith, in seven years I could most likely heal my body. This was all I needed to hear to generate the commitment I needed to carry out a life-changing crusade for personal health. My goal was set.
To reduce my digestive stress, the doctor put me on a strict food-combining regime. It was important to follow a more natural or pure diet, he said, which eliminated all white flour, sugar and artificial substances. I prepared my meals with compatibly combined foods, which improved the nutrient absorption and assimilation in my intestines. No longer did I eat meat with potatoes at the same time or have dessert directly after I ate. I started eating less protein, and more complex carbohydrates with plenty of raw fruits and vegetables. The doctor told me I had a lactose intolerance, which was the reason my cramping was so severe. I was advised to eat goat yogurt instead of milk, since it was easier for me to digest and full of healthy bacteria necessary for proper digestion.
As soon as I changed my eating style and rearranged my food choices, the nausea, vomiting and cramping ceased. By the time I gave birth, four months later to a perfect baby boy, I felt healthy, energetic and vibrant. My gynecologist was as surprised as I was. He was skeptical at first and didn't believe that diet could actually improve my health. But throughout my pregnancy he noticed a marked change in my physical state as well as my emotional attitude and decided to let me continue with whatever I was doing.
Meditation and visualizations became a big part of my healing process, because they gave me comfort, reinforcement and a sense of inner calm. I kept my faith through setbacks and discouraging times, because I always knew I was on a perfect path towards my success. It just felt right!
I couldn't convince my brother-in-law to join me in my healthy-lifestyle transition. He didn't want to make any sacrifices. Today, his Crohn's Disease has dramatically worsened and he has undergone many operations over the past decades.
I continued my eating regimen after my son was born and through the pregnancy of my second child. Seven years later I noticed definite changes in my body. I began to gain some of the weight I initially had lost, which meant my system was finally digesting food more efficiently.
It's been 28 years and I haven't had recurring symptoms. I consider this illness a wonderful blessing, because it changed my life and spiritual focus. It sent me on a voyage into the sublime realms of my body, mind and soul. From this crisis, I learned perseverance, faith, love, discipline and commitment. I learned that setbacks do not mean failure, nor do they mean defeat. I learned to believe in myself and to trust my intuitive sense, since my health depended on it. I learned to nurture myself with love and to feel joy and pride in my accomplishment. I especially learned to keep my mind steadfast on the positive and to focus on the end result with determination and conviction.
I hope other women learn that they, too, have an internal strength from within to overcome adversity and that patterns can be changed if the desire is strong enough. Of course, there's no guarantee everyone who experiences a health crisis will recover. But, I learned that life is a journey and that during the journey, it's best to take charge and enjoy the process as positively as possible. In that way, you attract more of what you want and less of what you fear. Then it's easy to accept that sometimes bad things happen for a good and purposeful reason.
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